Over the past year and it’s many transitions I have both risen and fallen with the sun and one persistent, overwhelming thought:
Who AM I and what was I CREATED for?
A thought so perplexing, nagging, and intrusive that I constantly felt weighed down by the mistrust in my own answers. One of the hardest things for me to wrap my head around has been how my professional life and personal life coincide to bring joy and meaning.
Yesterday evening while walking on the treadmill and pretending I wasn’t recovering from the flu (immune system unappreciative of the decision), I managed to stumble upon a profound sense of purpose… even if I still don’t know the answer to my unearthing questions. I found freedom in where I am, where I want to be, and maybe the fact that I don’t know where either of those are at all. And that’s OK.
I believe wholeheartedly in this planet, it’s people, and the inherent complexity that comes with. I believe in struggle, hardship, adversity and the rich beauty that stems from each. I believe in being healed without being cured.
Our bodies work overtime for us every single day. But they don’t work alone. They coincide with our mentality, our energy, our spirituality, and our inner sanctions. Our bodies are the literal art of integration- where everything meets. Our masterpiece, our vessel. And our body does it with such unwavering grace that we forget to praise it.
I couldn’t understand why working in the hospital wasn’t fulfilling to me- why I wanted to help people so much and still, on such a large scale of helping, did not feel like my purpose paralleled. I was helping cure patients every day. I saw miracles every day.
But sometimes, it’s not about making a fractured bone whole… it’s about the space between the bones.
When a bone is healing, the space between is where the work is done. Where the cells migrate via their public transportation system, Blood Flow Express, and work together to repair, rejuvenate, and replenish. With their individual strengths, they work towards one common goal – and without unification this goal would never be met. It is not always a femur that needs healed, sometimes it is a spirit. Healing the spirit, the mind, the body – it all works in the same manner. We cannot heal without unification, without love, without SOMEONE or SOMETHING caring and showing up.
It’s not about curing, and it’s not even about nursing. It’s about healing. It’s about showing up.
Healing requires integration. It requires the deepest depths of faith and strength. It requires loving your body, trusting it’s process, and allowing for the mosaic-like assimilation it craves for restoration. Our bodies adore us. They work diligently and independently to the best of their abilities. But they require partnership to do their best work. They cannot do it all alone- although they try their darnedest. Our bodies must be nourished with love, with tranquility, and with sympathetic awareness in order to heal.
Finding that balance is both a science and an art.
It is a willingness to be compassionate, vulnerable, and creative. It is a willingness to wonder, to shift perspective, and to walk both alone and in company. It is a willingness to take a step forward, or maybe a step back. It is a willingness to wonder, to ask thrilling questions, and to attempt answering an equation that the world hasn’t solved yet. It’s a willingness to meditate with the expansion of our breath, and to dance with the beat of our heart. It’s a willingness to be misunderstood, but to remain confident anyways. It’s a willingness to NOT KNOW, and to be okay with the unknown – to trust the space between the bones.
Healing is not easy. It is not a Crest overnight whitening process.
It is HARD WORK loving ourselves. It is HARD WORK loving others. It is HARD WORK finding the willingness day in and day out to heal.
But healing, both within ourselves and in aiding others, is one of the most magnificent, artistic, and beguiling wonders. And might I mention- so totally worth it.
Light & Love.